In the stillness of those mornings with my caterpillars, I anchored into nervous system regulation. My mind went quiet, my breath deepened, and something started to open inside me. The tension in my neck and shoulders loosened. My heart settled. As I listened to them munching through leaves and tearing through silk, I finally heard the voice of little Kai.
The daily ritual of care showed me the nurturing I needed to give my own emotional growth and metamorphosis.
Among the luna moths, I was infused with delight and imagination, curiosity and joy. The caterpillars brought my inner child out of the most hidden corners of my psyche and welcomed her to peer into that mesh enclosure, backdropped by sunrise. Bathed in that golden light, sometimes I would feel little Kai. I’d close my eyes, pull her small body close to me, and bring her into the safety of my mothering arms. Together.
My therapist guided me through cognitive behavioral therapy, internal family systems, brainspotting, and bilateral sound stimulation that awakens hemispheres of the brain to create new neural pathways. Each time a luna moth shivered their wings, gearing up for flight from the launch pad of my fingertips, painful memories shook off and fell from my shoulders, telling me to keep flying through the dark to my whole illuminated self.
